Tuesday, 8 December 2015
Hmmmmm....Nineteen, Gay And Confused.
This is my story.
Stella I grew up in one of the most strict christian upbringing you can ever think of. I don't know why fate decided to punish me this way. I wasn't molested by anybody at least as far as I can remember. But, I've been plagued severely by how I feel since I can't say this to anybody.
They sent me to an all boys missionary secondary school. Tho those feelings stopped for a while but immediately I got to SS3 my hormones started raging. It still died again. After High school I got this app 2go which was in vogue then. I discovered 2 2go rooms popularly known as Men's Lounge, Mens Only. I started visiting this rooms frequently because everybody in the room are Gay Boys/Men. From the room I had a couple of friends from whom I learnt about Gay Pornography and Masturbation. Stella, till today I cant go a week without doing either of the two.
I met one of the guys who was my friend. He is 21 now. On one of the occasions when I visited him I don't know how it happened but we kissed each other passionately (my 1st kiss) romanced each other in a way I could not have imagined. In fact I could not picture myself sucking a Guys d*ck or letting a Guy suck mine. But it happened. S*X did not happen. On reaching home that day, I felt bad. I uninstalled 2go that night blocked all of my Gay friends and finally I resolved to being the born again that I am. I started trying my best to associate with girls. N/B I am muscular and in no way effeminate.
I had this girl I became really close with, strangely I never looked at her as I looked at boys. It killed me deeply because I wanted to be committed to this gurl. But it seemed not to be working. She thinks I like her but mehn. Not in romantic way.
Stella, this is where I am now. I've prayed and fasted but this feelings are still there. I've actually giving up all hopes to be straight again. Now I'm tempted to install that app 2go and continue making new friends.
source: Stella's blog