We’ve been together for two years, engaged for one. On two separate occasions after the birth of our child, she assaulted me (punching, biting, choking) over accusations I was cheating on her with my ex. I am literally twice her size, so I only had scratches on me both times, but the psychological shock factor was quite high, and I called off the engagement.
Overall, the relationship was really good for the first year. However, during the second year, her anger and jealousy towards my ex became more frequent and often resulted in her calling my ex randomly and the two of them getting in verbal or text fights for no apparent reason. It got so bad, my ex called me crying asking me to make her stop.
Many people have weighed in, and many of them say I should give her another shot because she committed to therapy, is now taking meds, and the fact we have a child together. They blame postpartum psychosis, and the stress she endured from her high-conflict divorce and said her behavior towards me wasn’t “the person they knew.” Others are taking the “She’s mentally ill and things will only get worse. Sorry, but stay away and be happy she didn’t stab you.”
I really don’t know what to do. I am worried about our child and yet don’t want to commit to something that could only get worse over time. I now worry I would retaliate against her if she did it again, and land myself in jail. We both have children from our first marriages, and I would not want her doing that to one of my kids.
I am of the mindset that if someone escalates to physical violence in order to express anger or frustration in a relationship, then it’s dysfunctional and should probably be abandoned. However, I’m in very deep with her and feel trapped.
What should I do?